5: Dear Lord please someone explain to me whether this is a movie or is it Dane DeHaan. Truly, this is a proof that perfection exists in this world. Eye pleasing, eargasmic, and feels inducing. No words could explained how much of a mess I am right now so I’ll just lie down and appreciate this beautiful thing.

4,5: Just like when it created Choi Seunghyun, God (assuming it existed) is fair. Those with picture perfect looks who make this heart goes va va voom voom usually forget their brain somewhere along the way. Or vice versa. There’s just 2% missing, a certain hamartia that prevents this heart from finding sanctuary in their embrace.

4: What’s the use of having looks and brain if this heart doesn’t even skip a beat? Just like what’s the use of inciting feels with sound logic if there’s nothing to look at? Sure, it’s good – or probably great, but it just doesn’t hit the right notes. In boyband terms, there’s a lingering doubt to admit this one as your bias because you know you could have someone better.

3,5: This is as run of the mill as that certain cute guy from neighboring university, whose ability to make grin depends largely on the situation and condition. Like, it’s just “okay”. There’s nothing special, just a typical fried rice with one rubber band and no egg. Sometimes it’s bland, but overall it didn’t made me regret anything and still is eligible as a prospective crush.

3: Now this is hard. Usually there’s a strong hate feeling, but also an indescribable feeling that’s just as intense. Much like Cho Kyuhyun or Seungri, it’s the type that got me questioning myself. Am I sure I want to like them? But somehow, they left a deep (and surprisingly positive) impression after I’m done watching.

2,5: A for effort? At least they tired. At least they got good intentions. At least they tried to steal my heart even if they only made me cringe with secondhand embarrassment. Just like Simon D’s dad jokes, let’s at least give them a round of applause and appreciate the effort they exert.

2: Surely you’ve experienced what it felt like to have someone unimpressively made a move on you? That’s what this felt like. Perhaps it works on other people, but it certainly does not work on me. It would’ve been better if it could at least made me smile a little, but it only got me sighing tiredly.

1,5: Can someone explain whether this is a movie or my ex? Why is it so blah and such a sore sight to see? I mean like, okay, there’s a little something to appreciate, but as a whole it made me felt a deep sense of antipathy. If you ask me five years from now, I would most likely forget I’ve watched this movie. Once is enough, thank you very much.

1: John Constantine. This movie is John Constantine personified. As in, it brought nothing but catastrophe and grief on everyone who was unlucky enough to have watched it. There’s a high chance it’ll ignite extreme emotions such as endless hysterical laugh and/or frustrated wails.

0,5: Just like a no-ship with rabid fangirl, let’s just never go there for our own safety and sanity. You know, the kind that got me questioning why is it even created in the first place and HOW COME ANYONE ACTUALLY ENJOY THIS???

0: Oh this is a movie? I though it’s Lee Minwoo’s insoles. No, wait, Minwoo’s insoles got more substance and far more useful than this thing. Kthxbye.